When I woke up this morning, I witnessed such a change in the atmosphere and the entire feel of the place surrounding my house. Just yesterday it was super sunny and so hot during the day. The night was pleasant but yet warm. I like such sunny days! But this morning, suddenly, it has been raining continuously. Rains in summer, a concept I just don’t understand. Apparently it was like a thunder storm early morning. The dearest husband enlightened me about that as I was snoring away to glory; fast asleep in my version of lala-land. This is such a common phenomenon here. Oh! Not the snores I mean, the summer rains. Though the rains aren’t very heavy, they are accompanied by thunder and lightning almost all the time. My poor dog Bella has a tough time dealing with it.It feels like Mumbai in Atlanta, today! #rains #loneliness #emotions Click To Tweet
When we were sipping tea in the morning, I looked out of the door that opens up to the deck. All wet, the swing and the cushions on it, and the poor cushions on the deck chairs too. The plants seem to be enjoying themselves, they love the natural water apparently much more than what I pore on them off the tap every day. Undoubtedly, it felt beautiful. The slightly cold wind, when it caresses your cheeks, actually your face and it almost feels like a peck on your cheek, but a cold peck that shakes you up early morning, makes you come alive and feel whatever is happening. It makes you feel the presence of a super power around you who can make such wonderful changes a real possibility. Hot summer sun one day and showers and lightning the other. What a spectacle, nature in its glorious form! As I kept sipping tea and talking to my husband, looking outside through the blinds on the doors, all of a sudden my home town, my beloved home town came to my mind. Bombay (for I yet cannot bear to call it Mumbai)!
It rarely rains in the month of May in Bombay, except when the summers grown unbearably hot. That’s when the entire scientific phenomenon takes place, bringing water down from the vast skies into the parched lands of the city, quenching her thirst and making her cool down; lest she take over an aggressive form that may become severely harmful not only for the flora and fauna, but for the homo sapiens living there as well. But June is the month! My birthday month! The monsoons really make their way to the city and people welcome the downpour with open arms, smiles and laughter galore. This happened to me year after year. But for some strange reason, with the rains came a strange sense of loneliness. The grays did make me feel good nonetheless, but they also were a harbinger of gloom in many forms. For one, especially during school days, when it rained very heavily, the city would get flooded and we would be stuck at home. No school! While that made the million children around me feel ecstatic, I felt horrified. The thought of not being able to go to school made me feel very lonely. Perhaps I must have been the only kid to feel this way. And that always surprised me. We were a joint family right from the time I was born; there was no dearth of people around me. The house was in fact brimming with people all the time, and yet the rains swept me with a sheet of loneliness, and that’s when I realized a big characteristic in me. I was a loner! Very social, yet a loner at heart!
The rainy season was amazing in Bombay, especially at home. Mom made every single attempt to make the day special for us, right from making hot fried stuff to eat with tea, to watching television together, having a great family time, chatting about almost anything and everything under the sun. That’s how moms are, isn’t it? They want to make every single moment count. And so it was beautiful, yet so lonely. There were times when I couldn’t fathom the reason for feeling that way. I am not sure I still understand the reason why the rains make me feel almost forlorn despite the happiness they bring to me. I sensed a kind of emptiness within me, around me, even though there were so many people present. Did that make me feel sad or bad? No, not at all! Did I regret anything about how I felt? No, not even for a single moment! I was happy just being, just existing, just feeling everything around me; thinking, contemplating, sensing, observing and breathing. It wasn’t unhappy loneliness at all. It was a very powerful feeling, whatever it was.
And this morning seeing the rains brought back all those Bombay memories all of a sudden! Same old, same old! The breathing, sensing, feeling, observing, thinking, contemplating and what not! Just the same, just like my dearest city Bombay made me feel. Lonely; yet a sense of power around me, wrapped around me like a warm blanket in the winters. So reassuring, yet so lonesome! I still can’t put a finger on what it really is, but whatever it is, I am thrilled that it brought back childhood memories and memories of my beautiful hometown that I unwittingly miss so much!
Have you ever felt this way?
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